So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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