i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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