If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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