From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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