First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Come see our sink grown plant.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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