he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
