if you like me you must not know who I am
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it because I queefed?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
