yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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