Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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