Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
