the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
