she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
