you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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