Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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