once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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