What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
