Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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