im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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