Will you blow on my dice?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
