Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
