You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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