Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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