I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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