that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
