he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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