We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
