Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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