Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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