Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
