i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
