There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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