I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
