Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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