Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
