when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
