why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
