U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
