Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize