so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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