You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
