Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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