The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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