six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
