Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
