I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
A+ Viking dick
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize