Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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