Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
