Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
