i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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