matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize