I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
