; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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