Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
