"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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