I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
