brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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