Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
