You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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