a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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