i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
