She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
