So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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