I want to make a zoo with you.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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