Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
