You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
