I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
