gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
