yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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