Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
