Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
