We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
