i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
