I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
