I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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