Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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