so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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