I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
