You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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