I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
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I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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