i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The uberlube is also flammable
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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