So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
