Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
