You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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