Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
