I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
