she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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