Fuck appropriateness.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize
