Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
