i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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