"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
