i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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