Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
