Do you still have your period?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
