Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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