you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
