you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
