Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
