I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
