My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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