I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
