the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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